(Not) Iron(Wo)man

So. It turns out my ferritin levels are poor. Like anemic. Again. Like really, you should be sitting/lying down. For a while. Which I did this week. For a few days. Actually, I had that close relationship with the sofa for three days. I suspected something was up - I was really longing - longing, for coffee. I mean, I like coffee, but when I long for it, it's a red flag.

Again I am rejoicing that my kids are pretty good and have again stepped up. More cooking, home economic, reading and maths lessons from the couch.

We had to skip orienteering this week, because I spent all my 'spoons' on a day at a city farm where the kids learned about permaculture. Well, we talked about it, but they got the most kicks out of feeding the chickens and the art and music and amazing play area they have. They got to run around outside for hours (really, hours) being kids, covering themselves in mud, painting with water in the dirt, firing clay sculptures in clay pits, making seed pod canoes and sculptures; it was truly amazing that they had the freedom to explore and create and experiment. But I can't really remember what happened afterwards. I vaguely remember driving home, then nothing for a couple of days...

Socialising: the energy thief!

So I have started (more) pills and am starting to pick up again. (Which is something because last time I had about four iron infusions. Which take time. And cost more.) Today I wasn't dizzy, Much. Just have to mind that I don't use the small energy I have gained to 'catch up' on the things I had to let slide again. The kids did some washing too, so really, we aren't doing too bad. Free grocery deliveries are working very well for me at the moment! It took me a few hours to make a meal plan and a list during the 'fog' days this week (and I did order an excessive amount of toilet paper, such were my addled wits ...) but not having to drag myself to and around the supermarket is literally saving me.

High on my pathetically short list of achievements this week, is getting my son to nap - like three times! This kid has been a nap denier since he turned two. And, to be diplomatic, his behaviour has demonstrated that he has*really* needed naps lately. It is a big deal - more often than not I fall asleep and he doesn't but he has been out for an average of 2hrs each time. It has been very good! Poor kid. I always feel for tired kids. So grateful we can rest when we need to. Usually.

And my art group. I (hate to say literally, but) literally threw together a journal piece tonight for the April challenge. I'm really disappointed, but considering this is the first day in a week I have been able to focus (ok, so not *well*), let alone sit in a chair and hold up a brush... We had to use an old photo (family or otherwise), create a page with acrylics and tell a story about it.

I feel I haven't done the photo I chose justice - I chose her from a Google search, I thought she was too gorgeous! And I had to get a photo NOW to get it in on time, but as it is already dark out the colours don't photograph well. Maybe I'll try again in the morning. If I remember!

This was my 'story':

This is my gorgeous (and fictitious) Aunt Rita. It is a photo from one of her annual holidays that she would take with her twin sister Lynette, back when they were both 'the Spinster Aunts'. She would always send us postcards. She was my favourite aunt because she would always make time to play with us, and after we emigrated she would visit us on the Gold Coast and would play on the beach with my own children. I loved that she was always comfortable with herself and allowed herself to be who she was, and dress how she liked. She was inspirational to me and I have always loved this photo of her.

Even the kefir took a hit this week. I just had to feed it, no energy to bottle it - so we are running low! Just have to try again next week. The broth is on low and the nuts are about to be activated, and tomorrow is kombucha bottling day - yay! All ready for another week towards recovery. Only half a step back this time, but the next step looks like it is in slow motion. I know I am better than I was, I have to remind myself that. It still seems a long way to go; so I will take my eyes off everyone else's 'successes'  and focus on what this family needs. And remind myself that too! And give thanks.

Chipped Off

By Evan-Amos - Own work, Public Domain

I've done it. I've left it so long between post because I was too tired - and didn't make notes, and now it looks - to me - that I haven't done anything, and that's exactly the opposite of the point if this blog. Insert unhappy emjoi.

 And before you know it you're in the tail end of the month! Close to the mid year point! I tend to panic like that. You may have noticed.

On the surface it looks (without much digging) like there is 'not a lot' to report. I am still plodding away with the kefir and kombucha (hopefully getting my kombucha crock in May, how exciting!), adapting recipes - sometimes successfully, sometimes not so much... And school holidays are over, so we are trying to find our groove again. Trouble is, the kids have had some awesome imaginative play it has been very difficult to get and book work done; but then I think of Charlotte Mason and 'busywork', and remind myself that though they aren't learning what the national programmers think is what they should be learning at this specific, exact age, I can see what they are learning and how they are growing and interests they are developing, and that is good. Some days that is easier for me to accept than others! And it always helps when they come out and say something like: 'Mum, I just finished the Harry Potter series!', 'Mum, I've just re-read The Odyssey (because I liked it so much)', 'Mum, we need to go back to the library...', 'Mum, give me the radius of a circle and I'll tell you the area,', 'Mum, I figured out why my model boat won't float,', 'Mum, I did my washing!' I especially like this last one... 

The possibility to go orienteering this week was a great motivator for doing the things we'd rather not be doing - I love motivators. Removal of screen privileges is great when it works as a motivator rather than a punishment; but if it is a consequence for one reason or another I live with that.It is so much quieter when they aren't squabbling over who got longer on the computer or who had the audacity to watch over my shoulder during MY turn (or was stupid enough to make a noise and get caught by sibling), and that is when their 'better' play time happens. 'I can't play XYZ, so I may as well play with a sibling...' And that's where we get them - as they have this past fortnight - building film sets and creating movies, making elaborate sets for crashes and dramatic rescues in the garden - usually involving a hose.., building 'habitats' (we had a jungle, a marine environment and a savanna in the lounge last week - at the same time, of course), or a full on three-ring circus with tigers and tiger tamers. It's so awesome when they forget to be annoyed by each other because they are too busy enjoying one another's company. I am writing this because I know one day (possibly soon) I will have to remind them that they do, actually, in fact, for real, like each other. Shhh! It's also awesome now that the older ones are showing the fruit of years of teaching housework skills. It is quite amazing when I don't have to 1) do it (everything!) myself , or 2) have to re-do it! It was either 1) do some washing and put some things away, or 2) leave it for mum to do and she'll be too tired to go to orienteering (yes, those spoons again). And they stepped up, and we had a lovely time orienteering. And I am so glad I didn't make concrete plans for the rest of the week because I am very tired! And it's a long weekend ahead of more house hunting. Which brings us to the 'chips' photo.

We need to move. Moving takes a lot out of me. Last time I had an adrenal crash. That was not fun. It took me three months to prepare for a move and three months to get over it. I'd really like to not have to do that again, so I am trying to be careful. Considering we have had five moves in six years - this will be the seventh, I am feeling tired just thinking about it. Anyway, it has to be done. So we have been doing weekend reconnaissance. Scoping out suburbs - most especially for noise! We load up the kids, some snacks and our list and off we go. Last time we grabbed some snacks at the shop on the way. And of course there is next to nothing 'snacky' I can buy - convenience food for the food challenged will involved at least chopping some vegetables. I had had a big lunch so thought I would be ok, I usually am, but i got peckish. And looked longingly at the (delicious smelling) chips hubby and kidlets were sharing. I glanced over the ingredients - eyes a bit glazed from everything that day, saw there were a few dodgy things buuuuut mostly ok? I figured at worst gluten might give me IBS, but one way to find out. So I had a few...

Ingredients:

Potatoes, sunflower oil, sugar, vegetable oil, salt, sour cream powder, onion powder, corn starch, yeast extract ,dextrin, food acids (sodium diacetate, citric acid, lactic acid), buttermilk powder, spices (chilli, paprika, black pepper), hydrolysed vegetable protein, maltodextrin, garlic powder, natural colours (cochineael, caramel, paprika extract), natural flavours.

Contains gluten. Milk or milk products, soybeans or soybean products.

Within half an hour I had a headache and stiff neck. Within an hour I had sore kidneys - hello?? And that evening I felt like I had a flu - sore muscles, hot and cold flushes.... Sooooo I have learned my lesson and won't be doing that again! Will have to pack better for this weekends searching! 

So what has been filling our time and making me feel like I haven't 'achieved' anything?

Mademoiselle is learning to make muesli; I suspect mastery is some time off, but we have that time. We also enjoyed the Sound of Music on stage; plenty to say about that but I'll spare you. We had a wonderful time and even got to wander through the art gallery before we had to come back to 'real life' and collect the others! Young Sir is learning to make breakfasts that don't contain gluten, grains or sugars. When you consider Young Sir has ASD, that is pretty impressive. I am very proud of him. Younger Sirs, well, I am glad I have taken some photos. We have spent the day I started this post learning about the Boers, geometry and grammar, making more kefirs and broth and I *even* got to start a canvas. The kids have done some great art and crafts too. It rained on two days, but only AFTER we had managed to bring in the washing - without 'that' panic:

And we had some great talks about faith with the kids - you know, when they are listening and responsive! So after further reflection and looking through my diary and photos I can say that all in all, these past few weeks have been productive in a positive way, and I am grateful. And today, even though I feel wrung out, I feel a bit more peaceful. But I will be spending the night on the sofa semi comatose. And watch North and South if I can muster the energy.

A bridge had collapsed.... heroes required.

Vocab Testing - doing well so mum relaxing more!

Initial sketch - where will this lead?

Arty kefir shot. The colours of the raspberries seeping into the kefir just looked so pretty...

Broth and 'Boocha Baby

Got very excited this morning. My SAMe arrived, I had the energy to heat some broth, and one of my bottles of kombucha (ginger and lemon) has grown a baby scoby! It is so cute! It's the little things...

A million errands to organise today. Ok, not that many, but even with a list I am struggling to get things sorted, totally blaming MTHFR today. But I am enjoying seeing things happen on a small but important scale, like my nuts being activated, beans being soaked for tomorrow's feijoada (mmmmmm) and some groaties waiting for their turn to soak. Activated groaties are actually quite exciting, really! These are good things to be grateful for today.

Long MTHFRFlippin' Summer Daze

Yes, that is a play on words. For a number of reasons.

My Pug Mug. Always makes me feel like I have someone empathising with me as I fortify myself.

Firstly - and I will elaborate presently, these days are long. Looong. Mainly because (da-da-da-DAH!) I am not 100% (of my normal percentage anyway) again. There is a good (I *think*) reason for that.

Secondly - MTHFR. Yesss, we'll talk about that a bit today because I am working through this.

Thirdly - it is April and still 30-33˚C (86-91˚F). This is supposed to be autumn. ?? I mean, it is a lot nicer and cooler than summer (very pleasant, actually), but it just feels a bit weird. Having moved progressively further north over the last five years I am looking at my 'winter' wardrobe and wondering both why I packed it and brought it with us, and if I'll ever wear some of those lovely winter coats etc again. Which is strange really, because as a rule, I hate being cold. Then again, I am really not fussed on being hot. Once it hits 35˚ I can no longer function without air conditioning. Ok, well, I CAN, but not well. And probably not without complaining. I know I did it when I was younger (as with a lot of things!) but I cannot fathom how! But I do love 'rugging up', snuggling in bed and coming in from the cold. A nice walk along the beach in winter. I know, I need to learn to deal with that. But it's still very warm for April, right?

Lastly - Daze. That's what I've been in the past few days. I saw my doctor last week. And it was good. And things were looking up. What happened?

*for goodness sakes - this is not medical advice, this is me ruminating, masticating, and attempting to regurgitate what I am reading in a manner that makes sense to me. And it is mostly all personal to my particular genetic polymorphisms. If you think you need to look into it a bit further find a GP who specialises in nutritional and environmental medicine. 


I've spoken a little about MTHFR. It is confusing - to say the least! By no means do I profess to understand this, but I am constantly reading, pinning and searching for more 'simplified' explanations and diagrams. 

Because this is just nuts: (and note, it is the 'Simplified Pathway'!!)

From Dr Amy Yasko

I was searching for something to help explain "this week's problem." And that is a bit of an unfunny private joke between my husband and myself because for years it seemed that I always had 'something' wrong with me -  and it was never normal/typical/explainable. It was almost as if I had to outdo someone in being weirdly sicker than them - as if I was making these weird symptoms up. I only told my husband generally (and he did think I was looking for a sympathy vote sometimes - which is fair enough, this isn't how 'normal' people act), because I knew I'd get the hypochondriac look if I told anyone else. I was scared that maybe I was one. But these things sure impacted my life. So I kept pushing on trying to be everything I, or what I thought anyone else, thought I should be. Which turns out is exactly how people with my condition respond, and it makes things MUCH WORSE! So the whole 'being kind to yourself' idea - it's really important. Not easy to DO, but very important.  

Back to "this week's problem!" After feeling relatively well, one day I woke up exhausted. I overslept by nearly two hours and could still hardly move. I'm pretty sure my internal clock gave me a good shake because I was expecting a knock on the door early that morning! Then I had to sit down for a loooong time, try to drink something and take my pills.I was dragging myself around. Eventually I made it to a shower which I had hoped would reinvigorate me, but instead left me more tired, and I spent the afternoon in various states of consciousness on the sofa...again! And the pain was back. Bearable, but sore! I hadn't been that bad for about a month - so why now?

The only thing that had changed was that I had run out of SAMe supplement, for about a week. I have to order it from overseas - I knew I was low but I was hoping not to need it anymore. It takes about a week to arrive and should be here today (I hope!) and then perhaps, in a few days, I should be back on that road to recovery. I really hope!!

So why is it so important? SAMe is a methyl donor. When your body is not methylating effectively you will (among other things) accumulate abnormal levels of toxic heavy metals, be at risk for heart disease, stroke, dementia, some cancers, blood clots, memory loss, chronic inflammation and auto immune conditions. It is not a pretty list. It also restricts the body's ability to manufacture glutathione, which it requires for detoxification.

I found a few articles that I could understand (I am NOT a scientist, this is harder than learning Portuguese for me, it is a 'whole other language'!). I am just slogging through, trying to make sense - as are a great number of people. It is amazing to think this is really rather a common condition - just generally unheard of. I wonder what it will be like in 20 years time? I think everyone will be talking about their own particular polymorphisms and making better choices for their health. Well, that is another hope!

From the Article: Holy MTHFR! By Laura Matheos

The above link was very helpful for me. The point of this diagram is to show the cycles that happen billions of times per second in our bodies. MTHFR sits between two cycles, so its impact is quite far-reaching. Instantly 'serotonin' and 'dopamine' stand out. The connection between MTHFR and depression starts to sound a little more plausible, and also explains why antidepressants aren't always the most effective treatment.

The methylfolate and Methyl-B12 interaction, in a nutshell, is what propels your body’s ability to fuel every cell in your body with energy. If they don't interact, the red and green cogs don't turn properly either.  This is where the homocycteine levels get out of balance (increase risk of dementia, stroke, heart disease etc) and it also inhibits the production of glutathione, which means essentially: you don't detox properly - chemicals (cleaning, food additives, vaccines etc), metals, general stressors etc. (I remember very clearly doing a three day detox cleanse designed to flush toxins - it stirred them up but I couldn't get rid of them! I was very sick. A friend said to me that that wasn't normal, which started me thinking about the rest of my health.) The SAMe is needed in that last cycle on the end there. I can't explain exactly how, but it is supposed to be produced in all of these interactions and I'm not producing enough yet. So it makes sense to me that I crashed under the inability to deal with toxins/stress over a week. And I think that explains the joint/limb pains too. I am thinking of it a bit like having some sand in the gears, and need help cleaning it up. As I said before- not a scientist! Please don't quote me!

 And I am still trying to understand how to explain any further than that. 

I am anticipating the SAMe to arrive today, and with the addition of more TMG, I plan to have a better week next week. Especially as I looked at the calendar today and next week is making me feel a little weary in anticipation! I am going to have to be careful.

In efforts to look after myself, I am doing what I can. Yesterday I didn't physically have the energy to prepare anything for myself to eat. It's not helpful, but if you have an answer to preparing something gluten/sugar/preservative free from scratch when you can't even sit up on a chair, please let me know! I try to have something prepared just in case, but it caught me unawares. Today was a little better- in my Pug Mug (top photo) I have my magic elixir.... a ghee and cream sugar free dark hot chocolate. Lots of fats to fill me up and it feels like I am treating myself. I am a big fan of high fat, low carb. When I have the energy. Point being, (good) fat is good!

(I have gone a bit wild with the photo editing today. It was my whim)

I had the presence of mind (it must have been a good week, pre-crash) to make some broth this weekend. It was entirely too much work yesterday to heat some up, but today I managed broth and kombucha for brunch. Talk about spoilt! I have trouble with food in the morning (a zinc thing, I think) so it is often brunch, rather than breakfast. But I don't worry about that so much as I used to. So long as I am eating as well as I can, when I can. And also because I might have slept in a bit. Again... Interestingly, I said last time I had been sleeping better - and I had. But last night I was awake into the wee small hours again. Another sign of being out of balance. Interesting!

I also made this delicious loaf. I (heavily) adapted a recipe I have been meaning to try for ages- I can't even find where I sourced it. It became a chocolate, chia, pumpkin and walnut loaf. Slathered in ghee. I am thinking I will have to make a few of these and wrap slices in my freezer for those 'can't hardly move' mornings.

And I had it with a kefir-komboocha cocktail! Goodness me, who would want a 'typical' breakfast after that??

So I had really, really hoped to get some painting done this week. I am all up to date on my tutorials and classes I am following. Yesterday I managed to slump over my art table looking at my watercolours for twenty minutes, before accepting nothing was going to happen...and I fell asleep. Today I managed to set up a canvas on my easel and look at it for a bit. The only reason I got this blog post up was because I can sit in a chair better today, and I am a lazy typist- I only have to move my fingers (my wrists are collapsed on the desk, shamefully). But I can read and type, and feel like I have gotten a bit further into understanding my health and how it is affecting me - today! 

The kids have thrown themselves into movie making today, I can hardly believe how well they are working together it has been amazing. How nice it will be if they pick up tomorrow where they have reluctantly left off today. And I feel a little better and can lift my brushes! Then I might actually make some marks on that canvas...