How Do You Eat an Elephant?

One onerous, possibly distasteful bite at a time until it's done. Or you can figure out how to market Elephant Burgers... You get the point: Just Keep Swimming.

It is cold. Ok, so not Arctic. But I feel it. I struggle with circulation, and this house is cold. I find it painful and hard to move. And that is BEFORE you look at chronic fatigue, poor iron stores etc, etc...

So here I am in the middle of the afternoon (after trying to catch the only sun spot that reaches indoors long enough to make a difference!) trying to finish a bit of admin- ok, calling it what it is 'busywork- so that I feel like I've done something apart from cower with fatigue and frigidity'... And remind myself I am not, in fact, a waste of space. Because in my head I still cling to the idea that my intrinsic value is wrapped up in 'achievements and accomplishments' - of just about any kind really, apart from 'recovery', and it still pains me to have to try and accept that even though I look awesome (true story), I am by no means, normal. That 'one day I'll do a half marathon' dream (maybe not a good example of a 'normal' dream, how about 'one day I might be able to have a part time job *and* the housework,') may as well be 'one day I'll be a gazillionaire and own a couple of planets'. Not actually a dream I have, FTR. Giving myself a talking to, picking up by metaphorical bootstraps and  looking for that silver lining. Maybe I'll find it in a hot shower (and giving thanks for hot water after the system broke twice last month!).

In fact, I had another doctors appointment yesterday. I commented to my Significant Other (I have taken to bringing him along because my memory is so poor and at times I am a useless advocate for what I need,) that it was a relief to be reminded just how much my body struggles to cope with what is for other people 'normality', and the fact that I have anything burning on any level in any cylinder (not sure if that's a good analogy or even semi-correct use of that particular metaphor, but let's go with that. I'm tired.) is in fact, pretty good news. I am happy to say that iron levels are still abysmal, which is some justification for me not personifying Wonder Woman of late. (I have got a pretty cool Wonder Woman T-shirt though. Even if my daughter says I don't look much like her...) But on the up-side, he is going to try me with something that I should be able to better absorb, and also given me some glutathione to help, (especially over these continuing ups-and-downs-of-house-hunting months)  which I am REALLY looking forward to trying. I have high hopes, which has me immediately concerned.One more thing that might not work? I will try to stay optimistic.

I am also swinging between being kind to myself (so I don't get sick. -er.):

And wondering what the point of anything is:

Especially for the 'this sale falls through', 'that house goes under contract' game of ping-pong we are playing - I knew we would be living uncertainly for a couple of months, but now it looks like it could be double that. 

In the spirit of this blog - the purpose being to remind myself that I am doing things (even though I am behind with a few things - too cold to make kefir everyday now!), I am reminding myself that this week I completed another module. Yay me!

(NOT A PERFECT AVERAGE - AND HASN'T KILLED ME!)

And I am almost caught up with my short Italian course. I am trying to enjoy this instead of flogging myself to 'be correct' and over achieve (lol, trying to fight genetics!), and so far, it seems to be ok... Still, won't be giving flawless directions to hapless travelers for sometime. Possibly just as well that I only vicariously live in Italian movies...

I am honestly too cold to do much in the way of art (and the whole energy to sit/hold brush thing, that's ongoing); it is difficult to imagine shivering in a thick coat and blanket with gloves and trying to be creative. So I might hibernate for a bit and watch some videos and tutorials - plotting and planning.... Summer can't be THAT far off, can it? (You know, summer? When it's too hot to move...!?) Not a lot easier to wrap paintings in bubble wrap- but a little. And I have to give up coffee again! Which to mean sounds a little like an excuse to go and try heaps of exotic tea blends....