31 Mar 2016

Learning to Relax?


So it is an interesting kind of time. We have been flat out with co-ops and classes and visits and fairs and seem to have been out a great deal. Which ordinarily would necessitate a few days recovery after each outing... and it hasn't - this time. And I am sleeping better. Earlier. Still feeling tired, but not that complete exhaustion that is CFS.I have had to lie down once or twice when I didn't feel I could think let alone talk, but I haven't been wrung out to that level I am accustomed to. And it leaves me hopeful. It has only been a fortnight I have been noticing this - and I am anxious to believe it is a sign of healing - in case it isn't, but it has been great. I am not hugely energetic (I can't remember what that feels like - I remember a long time ago getting a lot done, but I can't remember for the life of me how it feels to want to get up and go for a run etc), but over Easter we went on two really big walks; one in the bush and one on the beach (how I miss the beach...) And though I literally fell into bed in those evenings, it felt good. A good kind of tired - like I'd earned it. Which may sound cray cray, but to muggins, that is a really big deal. Tired because of time and energy (well) spent - not exhaustion for no apparent reason. I didn't feel robbed.

As far as measurable achievements have gone, it has been a profitable fortnight. 



Probably top of my excitement list was bottling my first few bottles of 'booch'. Peach and ginger, raspberry and lime, and lemon and ginger. And I have to say - much much better than the stuff I've bought from the health food shops or cafes. Can't brew it fast enough to keep me happy. Thank goodness I have kefir to supplement it! My grains are doing well and I am pleased. There were a couple of days it wasn't looking so good, then I remembered we'd been out and I'd forgotten to feed them (I didn't have time to bottle any). So a bit more sugar etc and they are happy again. Just put down some lime and passion fruit bottles - looking forward to seeing how that one tastes... patience....!

And I was thrilled to be able to gift my first scoby baby :) 





I was very frustrated yesterday, after feeling so well I had an afternoon where I couldn't move for a few hours. It was so odd, I am wondering if I ate something I couldn't deal with (overly processed generally - might have been a bit lax over Easter...) or if I had just forgotten my pills for a few days.... I didn't think so - but memory is not my best friend. Hubby came to doctors with me this time to help me remember what he said! So I have set an alarm... And the doctor says I am doing better (homocystine levels improving etc) but we are going to keep on the course and hopefully we should see more, continued improvement. More hope... Anyway, I was particularly frustrated because I was struggling to stay awake and I really just wanted to be painting! Which is a good sign because more often than not I am just to tired to even care and it is depressing. Not sure if frustrated was better than depressed by much, but I think it was!

Anywhoo - we had an art challenge in Wanderlust this month. We had to choose an object we liked - which was probably the hardest thing to do! and then paint it in another colour. So people were painting blue bananas, purple capsicums etc. I chose my mug- because I knew I was going to have enough trouble with colour that I didn't want to add to it with too much shape or shadow. That is a bit of a cop out but I knew I wouldn't have energy for long and I wanted to get something finished!


Then I pulled out my colour wheel and tried to use a split complementary colour scheme. Apart from the wonky cup- which I didn't even notice until I had taken a photograph! which was due to the angle I was working on (I was in too much of a hurry to clear off too much of my desk....), and truth be told I kinda like the quirky angle, I am quite pleased with it. And that is the most important thing!



Of course, more sauerkraut is important. This photo was taken just after I jarred it.


And this one a fortnight later. It is now all in my fridge waiting to be devoured. Happy days!




Initially I was worried about it going a bit brown at the top- thought some bacteria was growing and I was going to lose it, but it turns out it was just a bit of oxidization and all is good. Yay!





Today, children's behaviour notwithstanding.... I am hoping to get some study done. So far there have only been twenty interruptions. But I have a pile of reading I've been looking forward to. I have just pulled a gluten and sugar free chocolate pumpkin loaf out of the oven to sustain me so here's hoping?

One thing I think I need to note so that I remember though, it this: I have been negligent. Willfully negligent. And I am apathetic about it! Usually apathy is a warning sign for me. But here, I think it is good. I didn't *feel* like doing any Portuguese or Italian practise last week. And I didn't, for two days in a row. Which seems like not a bit deal, right? But I had worked very hard for some time; I mean I was on a 450-ish day straight. Straight! That was my reward, seeing my achievements. Then I forgot/couldn't be bothered. And now, I had to start again! From the beginning! The VERY beginning! Then I got to a five day straight, and I forgot/couldn't be bothered again! And I am back to a ONE DAY straight! The thing is, six months ago, this would have had me in a sobbing mess! And today. Meh. MEH?! I am not at all worried/feel like a failure etc etc etc -it is just 'whatever'. Who is this woman? I am taking this as a really, really good sign. I'll get back to it. When I feel like it.   !!!

Lol, and I *might* have signed on for another art challenge. If it works for me, that will be great. If not - I'll just sift and let go.


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